What makes a good father? by Ps Jim Jung

So it’s Father’s Day again. The day in the calendar year when we focus on honouring our dads. For some, this is a difficult day, as dad was never around for one reason or another. Maybe Dad was someone your mom only told you about. For some, Dad was the absent father who only got involved in your life when you got into trouble and you required “that talking to”.

Regardless of your experience the bible tells us to:

“…obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. “Honour your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise:  If you honour your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:1-3 NLT)

Being a father myself, I realise that dads aren’t perfect. In fact they are incredibly flawed and totally unprepared for the expectations their children require of them when they arrive in this world.

I was reflecting on some of the times I acted poorly with my own children, especially during their younger years. Often when I felt frustrated about something, totally unrelated to them, my anger or impatience would be directed at them. My words would be sharp, my tolerance would be zero and my actions irrational. And then I would feel remorse, inadequacy and shame.

The one response I have learnt to the question of “what makes a father?” is that there is a huge difference between “fathering” a child and “being” a father.

Biologically, I am a father of 2 sons. That was the easy part! Over the past two decades I have had to become a student of being; a father to my children. That part hasn’t been as easy. Regardless of whether you are a biological parent of your own children, or a carer, a mentor, a role model, we may be in a position of being a father figure in the lives of other people.

I’ve learnt that being a father is all about influence. How I live my life models how my children can live theirs. Ultimately they have their own choice. My role as an influencer is to effect (either negatively or positively):

·         Character (i.e. integrity, honesty, morality, truthfulness, etc)

·         Beliefs (i.e. world view, values, etc)

·         Actions (i.e. courage, decisiveness, focus, strength, etc)

Eli had two sons. The bible says they were wicked with no regard for the Lord, nor their father (ref: 1 Samuel 2:12-25). Perhaps these lads had been spoilt and discipline had been lax throughout their upbringing? What had Eli’s example been to them as they were growing up? What is obvious is that their respect for their father was absent when it came time for their character, beliefs and actions. They eventually paid for their arrogance with their lives.

In contrast, Mordecai had a young cousin whose parents had died and left her an orphan (ref: Esther 2:7). Mordecai brought her into his household and raised her as his own daughter. His decision to adopt this young woman and influence her life with courage remains a story still told today. Her name was Hadassah. We know her as Esther.

The story of Esther’s bravery is often told to highlight her courage and devotion to her people in the face of great danger. And she was brave. But God had used someone else in this incredible story to craft her character, beliefs and actions that bore fruit, as she stood before a vindictive King.

God had used a faithful man, Mordecai, a father who had impressed Godly qualities into his adopted daughter’s life to stand for her convictions. Her courage didn’t simply appear in the throne room of the King, it had been shaped, crafted and encouraged throughout her young life by her father.

Her words of faith, her words of courage were words a daughter could say because she had been taught to make wise decisions in the face of adversity. In the midst of a crisis her character stood proud, her beliefs carried her forward and her actions were courageous.

I love how the bible instructs us through stories of those God knew would assist us. The bible also helps me to see that human beings are inherently flawed and without Jesus we are bereft of recognising the only perfect Father-Son relationship. I am definitely not a perfect father, I continually put my foot in my mouth, but I do have a perfect example upon which to continually model from – God the Father & His Son Jesus.